Rain On My Parade

Authors Note: I just want to say that my entries will bounce from the past to the present. I didn’t start this blog until well after the betrayal so my thoughts go from what happened in the past to the never ending bullshizz of the present. This entry is about the present.

Leave to my waytard husband to muck up a perfectly good time. It’s no secret that he has absolutely zero patience for pretty much anything. Traveling is the worst! I’m really laid back and look at the whole travel experience (layover and snafus) as part of the adventure. We recently went on holiday for a week and I always cringe at the thought of taking a whole week with him. We flew with layovers and that meant waiting around. We did a few theme parks and that meant lots of people and long lines. I don’t know why he insists on doing these kinds of activities when it makes him miserable. In return he makes those in his company miserable.

So back to my point…. there we are on the plane trek home with a 4 hour layover. I’m just sitting there in the packed terminal killing time when out of no where he verbally attacks me. He thought I made a dig at him when I wasn’t even talking to him and he starts going off on me! Mind you, he had been trying to pick a fight all week and I just ignored him. Well I couldn’t ignore him this time. No apology for jumping all over me for nothing so I ignored him at first. He asked me a question and I didn’t answer. He asked what is wrong and I unleashed my fury on him. All he kept saying was that he wasn’t sorry and he wasn’t apologizing. Typical and predictable. He is never sorry and never takes responsibility for any of his actions no matter who he hurts.

Now we are on no speaking terms. He decides to start fighting with me through texting. I’m sorry but I’m not in high school! Not going there not engaging. But of course he starts to drag my family into it like he always does when we argue. You have a problem with me…. fine, but shut the fuck up about my family and leave them out of it.

One thing he text me was really stupid. He wrote “Tired of being apologetic”. How the hell can you be tired of something that you never are??!! Never is nor ever has been apologetic. Not even when his affair was found out. Just a lot of excuses but no real genuine or heartfelt apology. The only thing he was sorry for was getting caught.

So much for my last entry of everything being calm and bright. I feel like I’m back to square one. Thanx for ruining what could have and should have been a great vacation.

 

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All Is Calm – All Is Bright

Yes, it’s been awhile since I have added a blog entry and I’ve left you all hanging. The holidays is always such a busy time with my job however, I’m happy to report that marriage life has been calming down some and improving. Do I trust him? HELL to the NO! But much of the bullshizz he usually creates has come to a halt.

I will get back to writing about my journey but for now, I wanted to give a short report on the now. Stay tuned for more of my story.

Shining Light on the Cockroaches

So there I am, embraced by my best friend just crying my eyes out. All four of her girls including my daughter standing there just looking at us perplexed. My daughter immediately says to me, “What has he done to you?”. She is well aware that her father can be a cruel prick sometimes and it wasn’t the first time he has made me cry but she had no idea the scope of the situation. I couldn’t tell her because I could not stop crying to get any words out. That is when she apparently called her dad to ask what was going on. He played it down (of course) by telling her, “Mum is mad at me for talking to an old girlfriend”.

I composed myself long enough to be able to take my daughter to her doctors appointment. On the ride there, my husband kept trying to call me on my cell but I just ignored his calls. My daughter finally picked up my phone and told him to stop calling me and that I was too upset to talk with him. After her appointment, I drove her home but I did not enter the house. My husband was at the front door and I just let my daughter out and drove away.

I went back to my friends house and made a few phone calls. I wanted to shine light on this affair and watch the cockroaches scatter. An affair thrives in secrecy. Bringing it to light I hoped would destroy it or at least cripple it. I called my mum to tell her what had just happened. With all that was going on with my Dad, she obviously was very upset. I also called my husband’s parents to inform them of their son’s affair. They were very supportive and his Dad was none too pleased with his son’s behavior. My last phone call was to his whore. She did not answer her phone but I calmly but firmly left her a voice mail that said, “I know of your affair with my husband. If you call or text him again, I will tell your husband everything”.

The Discovery

My husband had befriended his ex (lets call her the Portuguese whore) on Facebook. I did take notice and was leery at first. I didn’t see any exchanges between them for almost a whole year and I didn’t get that sixth sense that something was going on. It wasn’t until November of 2010 when out of no where, their exchanges on Facebook had become active. Some of the exchanges had underlying sexual innuendos as they reminisced about things that were obviously a part of their past history together. I brought this to my husbands attention to which he agreed was not cool and defriended her from Facebook.

 

It wasn’t long till he friended her back on Facebook. I didn’t say anything to him about this. I simply sat back and observed what they were saying and paid attention to his actions and body language. I would notice him at his computer with his phone on his leg face down. I would see his phone light up when he had an incoming message. He would not look at his phone when I was in the room. He would go to the bathroom and spend a good 5 to 10 minutes in there. That is when I suspected he was texting her. I checked our phone records and sure enough, within just a months time span, thousands of messages back and forth between the two and some phone calls.

 

I still didn’t let him know that I knew. More spying was to be done and I raked over his computers history. While I couldn’t find full conversations between the two, I did find enough message snippets between them that clearly told a story that their exchanges were anything but innocent. She was calling him her sweet prince (gag) and “I love you’s” were exchanged between the two. Talks of a possible meet up in the future (there are 6 states between us). Them telling each other that they “need” each other.

 

Now as if this discovery wasn’t stressful enough, my Dad had fell ill and was septic and on his death bed. I was miles and miles away and couldn’t be there for him. What a fucking prince right? Wife is stressed over Dad so let me go fucking cheat on her. Fuck You Asshole! I decided to gather even more evidence before confronting him. I’m usually good at keeping my cool. I learned he talked with her on my Birthday and they texted on Thanksgiving. What a guy!

 

One day I was wrapping Christmas presents while he was at work and my daughter had spent the night over a friends house, he called me from work all happy go lucky and asked me what I was doing. I just frigin lost it. I mean LOST it! I don’t remember much of the conversation but I remember calling him some choice words and just screaming at him. He told me he was on his way home and I told him not to bother that I wouldn’t be here when he got home. I got into my car and left. I had to pick my daughter up from her best friends house that day because she had a doctors appointment. Her best friend’s mom just also happens to be my best friend. I got there, looked at my friend and just broke down crying.

It’s Been Four Years

It’s been four years since I discovered my husbands infidelity. You would think that after four years, things would have calmed down by now. It has not!

For the haters… you can comment all you like that I’m a “bitter bitch who can’t let go”. Comments from people whom have never felt nor experienced this kind of betrayal I actually feel sorry for. I pray you never have to experience such trauma.

November of 2010 my life as I knew it had changed forever and not for the good. This is when I discovered my husbands betrayal. He was involved in an emotional affair with his ex-girlfriend. The last serious girlfriend before meeting me. It was a devastating blow and although no physical contact was evident, it did not decrease my pain upon discovery. That is what my blog is going to be about. It will be raw and it will be real! I have so much to say and so many stories to share. So what’s the point you may ask? The point is to be able to share, help and support those who find (found) themselves in similar situations.